The Polarizing Sides of the Spectrum

They tell you not to talk about religion or politics at the dinner table unless you’re looking to be uninvited to the next family holiday. Although most people used to say this jokingly, I’m not so sure it’s a joke anymore, and in a lot of ways it points directly at the growing problem of keeping silent so the status quo continues to function without question. If you don’t talk about God, if you don’t question someone’s stance on social justice, or if you remind someone their life is so much better than the majority of people so they shouldn’t complain, all you’re doing is silencing individualism and creative ideas that could help society as a whole develop, evolve, and thrive. Just like burying emotions and stifling feelings fuels the cultural programming I talked about in my second blog post, so, too, does shying away from discussions about religion and politics and anything else “polarizing.” But you know what? It turns out we’re all staying silent because of something called the Collective Illusion, coined and researched by Dr. Todd Rose. According to Dr. Rose, collective illusions are a social phenomenon where most people in a group privately disagree with an idea but go along with it because they incorrectly believe that most of the others in the group agree with it.

And why do people think the group agrees with something they don’t actually agree with? Because, apparently, our brains are hardwired to believe that the loudest voices, repeated, are the majority, even when we know that’s not true. This illusion evolved as a survival tactic, but we’re the first generation dealing with it at scale, thanks to social media. According to Dr. Rose in his interview for the Mel Robbins’ podcast, on social media platforms such as X, 80% of the content is generated by only 10% of the users, and studies show that those 10% are fringe opinions - many of which are bots - that don’t actually speak the opinions of the majority. Our world is becoming more polarized by the minute, and the research is showing this polarization is only happening because we believe those loud voices are the majority’s thoughts, yet clearly they are not. 

So what if, instead, we actually encouraged a healthy discussion of politics? Or, what if we had every person study the history, creation, and evolution of all religions before arguing? Imagine if it wasn’t taboo to question, research, or think outside the box about every subject; think about the conversations we could engage in and the understanding in society we could create from a little collective empathy and conversation. On a recent episode of the Alive podcast with Steve Burns, he and Representative Ro Khanna make an interesting point that the world thought the internet would help bring us all together, but, in reality, it's actually torn us apart. They never use the word ‘collective illusion, ’ but the point they’re making is exactly the same. Steve and Rep. Khanna both wonder what we can do to make the internet feel like a face-to-face community barbecue or an old-school townhall meeting instead of a safe space for hate hidden behind a computer. 

That all sounds great and like it would be such a fairytale ending, but I can hear all the skeptics - myself included - wondering how we could ever do that with all the division, derision, and aggressive opinions out there. We end up faced with that divide again between healthy and unhealthy, moral and immoral. Those are certainly grey lines that can be hard to define at times, but I also think we discover where those lines are the more we talk about them, and the research proves that the more we talk about these things, the more we’ll realize most of us are of the same opinion than not.

Isn’t it such an interesting coincidence that society, as I talked about in my first blog post, seems to train us right out of the womb to bottle up our emotions and push down our feelings in our everyday life, and that same society also tells us the world is inherently polarized and we should keep our thoughts and opinions on politics, religion, and the like to ourselves because they’re simply too emotionally triggering to discuss around the dinner table?

Anyone seeing a theme yet? 

We’ve created a society that narrows our vision, silences alternative viewpoints, erodes facts, and encourages us to put blinders on simply by conditioning us that the goal is to compete against everyone for a seat at the head of the table. What that causes us to forget, however, is that the table is large enough to accommodate far more than just the chair or two at its head. I mean, even the idea of having a seat at the head of the table means that the table is far bigger than one chair, which also means there is plenty of room for more people, more viewpoints, more thoughts, and more opinions. But by conditioning us when we’re young that emotions are dangerous, feelings are unpredictable, and it’s best to go with the flow so you don’t rock the boat, we’ve unconsciously - although I would argue there’s a bigger, conscious effort at play - cultivated a generation scared to express themselves, seek alternative ways of thinking, or question values and beliefs unless they’re behind a screen and cloaked in hate. At the end of the day, everyone on the far sides of the spectrum is getting the actual opinion of the majority wrong, yet they’re some of the only voices we’re hearing over and over again. 

Why do we let it keep going this way? We watched as society polarized itself and we didn’t collectively speak out, and now it’s incredibly hard to speak up even if we want to because the Internet’s turned mean. Like Taylor Swift says in the lyrics of Eldest Daughter, “sad as it seems, apathy is hot / everybody's cutthroat in the comments.” That 10% on either side of the divide is also the most aggressive as well as the loudest - they can’t see how the opposing side makes any sense whatsoever, so they have no problem shouting their opinions and leaving aggressive comments for anyone who will listen or look. Those of us in the middle - aka most of humanity - who understand there are great ideas (and terrible ones) on both sides of most lines have a harder time speaking up because while we value progress from both sides, we are villainized because we don’t vehemently stand one way or the other. Dr. Rose says, “if you knew everyone agreed with you, you wouldn’t have to be so loud,” but because the outliers are loud and the middle stays silent, no one realizes the majority of us actually fall in the middle and we could fight the system if we came together. 

There is hope, though. I think in recent months we’ve started to see the middle softly starting to speak in areas of all kinds, and as that soft voice reaches the ears of others also standing in the middle, that gives others more courage to softly speak, which then reaches more ears, which then continues to give more people courage, and suddenly we see that although those loud, shouting voices from the sides are still overwhelming, they’re not actually the majority because WE are the majority. And here’s the thing: the majority doesn’t have to be the loudest to be heard, because if we simply join our voices together, our sheer numbers will drown out the shouting coming from the far sides. 

Notice not once have I called out a singular religion, a particular political party, or any specific person or idea or thought in any of this. Why? Because this isn’t about one ideal, one thing, or any specific party or opinion. The point of this blog entry is to call out the 10% of polarizing viewpoints in all areas of life, to help you realize your silence is only because you believe those loud voices are the majority, and with these words I hope to seer into your soul the realization that those of us searching for meaningful conversations across the lines in every walk of life, looking for more understanding on each side of the aisle, and yearning for thoughtful discussions are the majority. And here’s the thing, if you try to go one-on-one with the delirious shouting, you won’t win. We’re never going to change the individual minds of those on the far sides of any spectrum - you can’t reason with their resolve. However, research shows that two-thirds of us are self-silencing right now because of the collective illusion, but that is leading to individual resentment, broken trust, and anxiety. 

Where I think we start to combat this growing anxiety, then, is simply murmuring to those next to you so they gain the courage to murmur to those next to them, and so on and so forth until suddenly all that murmuring gains a life of its own, and with a soft but steady presence, we break down the societal conditioning of the loudest voice and survival of the fittest, and we collectively understand that the world doesn’t have to operate on the growing divide of this or that, but instead we can embrace what it means to be and and with. My hope for this post is that you don’t lose courage because of those shouting voices and the collective illusions you hold. Dr. Rose cautions that this year’s collective illusion becomes the next generation’s personal belief, which means it’s important to start the whispering now. If we start, then the next generation will be able to hold a healthy discussion about anything at the dinner table. While I really hope we’re around when that day comes, even if we’re not, at least we’ll be able to say we started the conversation that eventually got that generation to that dinner table, and that would certainly be good enough for me. And, in the meantime, if you haven’t already, do yourself a favor and listen to Dr. Todd Rose on Mel Robbins’ podcast, because I think it will empower you to truly be yourself in all aspects and walks of your life, not just on the more polarizing topics. Dr. Rose reminds us that on this journey it's okay to evolve and change your viewpoints as you grow, because none of us stay the same forever. Something that is 100% authentically true for you today could change tomorrow, and as long as you acknowledge that and continue to allow yourself the grace to evolve, you'll be all the better - and healthier - for it. I know in my own life I try to take even just a half a step toward a more authentic Christine every day, and my next step is to look at the collective illusions I’ve allowed into my psyche, stop silencing myself because of them, and then pick myself up and dust myself off when I trip and fall along the way. This journey has certainly been a crazy ride so far, and I absolutely love having you along with me while you venture your way on your own path.